Skip to main content

4 weeks

It hasn't even been 4 weeks since we brought you home. And every day seems to be the same cycle of eat, sleep, poop but at the same time, every day you seem to change. You sleep a little bit less, you make a little more eye contact, your legs seem just a little chubbier.
When we first brought you home, and you would get angry, you would put your arms up by your face like a boxer and just shake them. And sometimes, while you were sleeping, or particularly enjoying a meal, you would throw both your arms straight up over your head and wave them back and forth. Those newborn reflexes are already starting to disappear. And somehow I am stuck in this wierd place where i know the changes are good, and inevitable, but it still makes me a little bit sad to watch you grow out of them. And if I am this emotional about your newborn arm reflexes, just imagine how I am going to be when you learn to walk, or graduate from college.
I want to write everything down. I want to remember the way your father obsessively disinfected his hands every time he touched you, until a week went by and he got over it. I want to remember how we took you to the doctor for the first time, and how we spent the first week making sure you were still breathing. I want to remember us figuring out the trick of changing diapers without getting peed on and the one time your father was changing you and managed to let you pee in your own face. I want to remember every moment of cuteness and frustration, but if I spend the next five years writing everything down, I'm afraid I'll miss out on the opportunity to be making more memories. So, I'll do the best I can, and I know the most important things will stick.

We took you to Uncle Darren's for Easter this weekend. And when I needed to pick something up, everyone offered to keep an eye on you while Dad and I went to the store. We almost ran out of the house. But as we drove away, I could almost feel the imaginary string between our hearts stretching out. And I know, that God willing, that string will never break, but will continually stretch and grow, giving you all the independence you need to be a strong, healthy man, but always tethering you to a place of unconditional love.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What Kind of Life Do You Want

 What Kind of Life Do You Want: A Midlife Crisis Exercise I want a comfortable life.        I want air-conditioning when it's hot and I want hot water in my shower and I want soft pillows on my bed. I want a life of community.     I want to volunteer at the food pantry and sing in the church choir and serve on a municipal parks board. I want a life of connection.     I want to be a healthy, safe mother to my son and a support to my partner and I want strong relationships with my family of origin. I want a life of wellness.     I want to get enough sleep and eat enough vegetables and drink enough water and move my body in ways that feel good. I want a life of growth.     I want to learn new things and visit new places and learn new skills.

Five Year Plan

If I won the Lottery: If I had 50 million in the bank and no need to work, I would read and putter and travel to all fifty states and then come home and join the parks board and the community theater.    If I was Alone:  If I had no one to depend on me but still needed to support myself, I would quit my job and go back to school to get a degree in accounting.  I would work in an office for the next 20 years, just me and some spreadsheets. If all goes as Planned:  I'll retire in 5 years when Ledger turns 18. I'll take a six month sabbatical, get him graduated, read and nap.  Then Barry and I are going to drive across the country.  Then in the fall of that year, I'll have to decide what's next.  Maybe I'll start applying for jobs in a northern state, Kansas maybe, Ohio or Iowa.  We'll sell the house and EVERYTHING IN IT and start a new chapter in a cooler climate.

My almost Two Year Old

My almost 2 year old: Can count to ten, only forgetting three every once and awhile. Can do 'this little piggie' all by himself. Frequently acts clingy when I get home from work, causing him to follow me around the house crying, "Mama!" while I snap at him to give me just a second. Loves YO GABBA GABBA! loves listening to me read, at the moment the favorite is "Danny and the Dinosaur" eats well in the morning, but not so great at dinner. Loves 'mama bread' and buhbuhs (blueberries).....also black buhbuhs. Sings the alphabet song poorly but enthusiastically. has mostly abandoned the shower, preferring BAF! with Daddy. asks to sit on the potty and occasionally is succesful, but this is mostly just a ploy to get me to read "DANNY DINOSAUR MAMA" has settled into the two year old class at school, after a rough couple of weeks. Loves to 'trow high' Enjoys his blocks, but really wants us to help him with them. "you hold, mama" s...