Adventures in Rachel-land

It is now halfway through the year, and a good time for an update on my 2011 goals. 1. Weigh less than 200lbs for the majority of the year, but definitely the last quarter. Well, I’ve made good progress here. Today I am at 204, but I know I can meet this one. 2. Give up processed sweets for three months (jan-mar) Done! I actually skipped a couple months, but I did give up sweets for three months, Jan/mar/may. 3. Eat a vegetable every day. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% on this, but I am definitely, consistently, working at it. I’m gonna give myself a check mark here and keep at it. In fact, I’m eating broccoli at my desk right now! 4. Earn at least 9 college credits. Earned 4 credits, probably 4 more in the fall. Not perfect but close. 5. See at least 2 live theater presentations. 50% completion rate, saw Oklahoma, still working on it. 6. Leave the state for vacation. Planning a trip for October, although technically we drove through Arkansas last weekend, so…..DONE. 7. Wear lip...

From the other room I hear him telling his father, “I’ll do it myself”. I come into the bathroom to see them in the shower. Ledger is holding the sponge while Barry stands there, patiently instructing him. “hey buddy, you forgot the back of your arm”. I come home from work to find them in a blanket fort, laughing hysterically. We go to the pool and he clings to his father, completely trusting him to keep him safe. He jumps off the side into his father’s arms, comes up sputtering, but smiling. I turn into the driveway to see him pedaling towards me, propped up on pillows so his feet can reach the pedals. His father beaming behind him. We go to a festival and I look over at them. Ledger beaming up on his shoulders. My husband is literally bearing the burden of him. He heads off to work in the morning, but before he goes, he picks him up. My giant baby, whose feet hang halfway to the floor. He picks him up and holds him so close, and so tight that I know Ledger will b...

So I participated in a 5K today. I couldn’t get anyone to come with me so I did it alone. You know not alone, but without anyone I knew. And about 20 seconds in I thought, “oh crap, this was stupid.” But, I also decided that as long as I continued to move in a positive direction and they weren’t gathering up the safety cones behind me, I was winning. So I did it. I wasn’t at the end of the line, but I was certainly close to the end. But I finished, without falling down. It was 8:52 as I headed back to my car. So, I walked/jogged 5 kilometers in under an hour. And now my goal time should be laughably easy to beat. The next 5K goal will be to finish in less than 45 minutes. I need to work on a plan that will allow me to accomplish that goal. In the meantime, here is my list of excuses for why I did so poorly today. 1. I was ALONE. Everyone knows hard things are harder without support. 2. The little old ladies (literally) and mama’s carrying babies who passed me were probably using perfor...

Weight Update: After getting down to 201, I had a delicious Easter and am currently at 203. This is going to be my week though, I just know it. Ledger Update: Thinks he is in charge of the world and gets pretty upset when you don't agree. Yesterday I asked him to come upstairs with me, but he wanted me to walk a specific way. When I didn't bend to his whims, he started a screaming fit. (FUN!) I sent him to his room until he could calm down, but he threw himself on the ground and screamed "NEVER". It is hard not to laugh when he hollers as though he is defending Scotland. Work Update: Sigh. I need to find a way to make my peace with it or change it. This spot I'm in where I just let it suck me into crabbiness is no good. Maybe my vacation in may will help. Maybe getting back up to full staff in June will help. Maybe winning the lottery will help. Exercise Update: Not doing as well, I think I got bored with the walking track. I've been reading on the treadmill a...

I've been going to the rec center 2 - 3 times a week since the beginning of the year. I go upstairs to the walking track. I walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap. Then I use the hydraulic weight machines, running one and walking one lap in between each machines. I do 15 reps on each machine. The running track takes 16 laps for a mile. With eight machines and two laps between machines, I always get to a mile and a half, and most of the time to 2 miles. I want to run longer, do more resistance on the machines, and add more laps, but it feels good to be making progress. Weight Update: 3/23/11 206 pounds

I keep thinking about that scene in Kill Bill, when Uma Thurman goes into the mountains to start her training. And she stands in front of that piece of wood as the first step. And she places her hand against the board, then pulls it back and punches. And she just keeps punching, touch and punch, touch and punch....until her hand is bloody. And she just keeps punching. And for some reason, visualizing that scene has helped me to center myself. I don't know why. Perhaps it is something I should discuss with a professional. For years, when I've been struggling with anxiety or the extreme emotional reactions that come with my PMS, I've tended to get into who I call 'repetitive thoughts'. I have no idea if this is an actual thing or not. I can clearly remember having a fight with a boyfriend when I was 23. I laid in my bed that night and thought, "He doesn't love me". And it made me cry. So I just laid there, thinking it over and ov...

I can't even tell anymore what week it is. My weight for February 7th is 211.5. I'm still moving in a downward direction just very slowly. I caught a cold two weeks ago, then we were snowed in last week....and it's just been very difficult. There is no real good excuse here. I got up to go to the gym this morning and the wipers on my car refused to turn off. So...that makes it challenging to go to the gym. We were unable to get to the store last week because of the ice. The house is a mess, I've lost my mojo and it's just hard. Sigh.

We are having the lowest temperatures North Texas has had in over 15 years. I had to work yesterday, but due to the strain on the power system, the library is closed today. Luckily, the child has been remarkably charming for being locked in the house for the second day in a row. A went out to the grocery store this morning, risking her life to provide my son with raisins. It has been extremely pleasant to be at home today. I emptied the dishwasher, put away some laundry, and changed the sheets on the bed. But mostly, I read books to my kid and watched stupid television. My diet is absolutely blown with the muffins we made and the soup I ate for lunch. Not to mention the complete lack of exercise this week.

Counts to 17. Is a picky eater, but cooperative enough to try a bite of anything. Is pottytrained, but can't quite button his own pants. is Generally cooperative and helpful. Still needs a nap in the afternoon. Is almost too big to carry around. Loves to help in the kitchen. Sleeps with a rotating cast of stuffed animals. Has a hard time settling down to sleep at bedtime. Loves being read to. Enjoys trucks, dinosaurs, race cars and Dora. Looked me in the face in the middle of the tantrum and asked me to help him. I asked him with what and he asked me to help him pull it together. When I asked him how I could help, he said, "do the breathing thing". So I looked him in the face and we took 10 deep breaths together so he could calm down. Apparently telling him to take deep breaths has internalized at some point. Loves hiding under a blanket while we pretend to look for him. Loves to wrestle and tickle with Daddy. Loves fruit and bread and cheese. Enjoys showers. loves d...

Wow! These titles are so creative! My third weigh in is at 213. It was not a great week on either the diet or exercise front. I walked at the gym for about 20 minutes twice last week. Then, while I stuck with the sugar and vegetable resolutions, I didn't do so well with my overall calories. I gave in to mayo on sandwiches several times. This week should be better. All I can do is keep trying. I never feel worse about my body then when I am working on improving it. I am sure there is an interesting psychological reason behind this, but I don't know what it is. When I am actively dieting, I look in the mirror and I feel disgusting. How could I be so fat? I roll over in the middle of the night and my stomach presses against my arm and I feel like the ugliest person in the world. However, when I am not focusing on my diet, I look in the mirror and I think, eh, that's not so bad. I always know I am overweight , but it seems so minor when I am not...

So I did my first weigh in and in week 1, I lost 4 pounds. I am finding it more challenging to eat less calories at home in a snow storm then I do at the office. So, I think it might have gone better if I hadn't eaten a little too much pasta standing over the sink on Sunday. Things I did right: I drank my water, I walked every other morning, and I took a tupperware container of veggies to work every day. I went out with Bethany on Saturday night, we went to a Italian restaurant and I only ordered the bruschetta and some potato soup. The soup was very creamy, so it was probably pretty high calorie, however it was a reasonable portion. I consider this a victory because I did not bury my face in a vat of chicken alfredo. It was still very satisfying, so I say it was a good choice. Things I failed at: Should have walked a bit more, and done better at portion control at home. Especially at the end of the week when we ran out of veggies. Next time we run out of fruit...

In October of 2009 I weighed 230 pounds. My job was offering a lunch hour Weight Watchers program at the office and they were picking up the tab for half of the cost. I joined and worked the program, which is basically just counting calories. I lost 35 pounds by March 2010. Then I dropped out. And slowly put a little back on at a time. On December 1st, 2010 I was back to 210. And then...I lost my mind and vacuumed up every potato chip, taco, coke and cookie in the entire state of Texas. On New Years Day I was 225 pounds. So here is the thing, I've never been thin. I am a librarian with a pretty sedentary lifestyle and a fear of vegetables. I don't even want to be thin. Here is what I want.....I want to be able to walk around Paris with my husband when I am forty. I want my clothes to fit. I don't want that hideous fat roll. And I want to be able to get off the floor to chase my 2 year old. I know that I can do it, I've done it before. It just takes paying attention to w...

I had a whole post planned for today on my 'almost three year old'. However, I would like to put that off for a day and instead focus on why my son has lost his mind. He 2 and 10 months and has gone from being a charming EASY child to a whining monster. And none of it makes sense or can be watched out for. I left the bedroom before him and that is cause for panicked screaming about me leaving him. I pick him up, tell him to take a breath and we move on. I gave him the round bread instead of the square bread and that is cause to sink to the floor screaming and crying. I pick him up, tell him to take a breath and the screaming continues. I send him to his quiet spot on the stairs. Now, the stairs come down right into the very open kitchen/living space. He is not being isolated. He can see me. This causes a screaming meltdown. I sit beside him, we talk about it, we move on. I take a BITE, one bite, of my bread and he starts to scream. I ask him whats wr...

To the person who thought they needed to bring peppermint flavored chocolate covered pretzels to the staff workroom today....I stick my tongue out at you. Will power. It's relatively easy on the first day, check back with me on the 10th.

A little bit more about that debt goal. We currently have 13833$ in credit card / loan debt. It is all low interest, but is sucking up $500 a month of our money. Obviously I would like ALL of that debt to be gone by the end of the year, but I don't know if that is possible. The goal for the year is to get it down to under $10,000. I'm gonna set the other financial goals, the laptop and investment clothing, aside and buckle down until we get that goal met. Totally doable, right?

Weigh less than 200lbs for the majority of the year, but definitely the last quarter. Give up processed sweets for three months ( jan -mar) Eat a vegetable every day. Earn at least 9 college credits. See at least 2 live theater presentations. Leave the state for vacation. Wear lipstick at least once a month. Read 50 books. (at least 10 adult, at least 5 "classics") Write in a journal every week. (or here, whatever) Exercise every week. This is not to say that once a week is enough, but I definitely do not want more than a week to go by without some exercise. That is how we get to months without. Do 2 5ks. Learn to ride a bike. Organize our digital pictures. Host 2 parties at our home. Pay off 25% of consumer debt. This does NOT include car, house, and student loan. It does include the bank loan and the credit card debt. Purchase a laptop with real money, not on credit. Purchase 2 nice work outfits. Do 3 decorative things to our home. Could be paint, curtains, ...

His father tells him to give me a kiss and hug goodbye. I feel his lips brush the side of my leg as he runs by me. "I'm going with Daddy" he shouts, "BYE!" His white t-shirt is fluttering and he is holding a half-eaten biscuit in his hand. "Hey, wait! Give me a hug!" He's almost three years old and my baby is gone. A big boy in t-shirt and jeans is off to conquer the world.

Monthly goals for April: 1. Find good childcare for my son. The situation at his daycare has not been ideal, so I gave 30 days notice. I now have 25 days to line something up. This is not negotiable. 2. Do better for my family in the areas of clutter control and meal planning. I bear most of the burden in these areas for my family. And this month, I am committed to doing a kick-ass job. There is no real reason that I can't do better, unless you count bad TV and my facebook addiction. I am going to walk two 5ks, find childcare for my son, and create doable healthy meal plans for my family. It's gonna be a good month. Go April.

Ooh, look! It's still the first week of March and I'm getting around to writing down my goals! Go me! I'm getting better. 1. Run 5 minutes without stopping. Wait....by run I mean jog, of course. I got winded singing the jumping song with toddlers this morning, so this goal needs a dedicated plan to execute. 2. Do better with meal planning! Nothing happens if I don't have a plan. 3. Get Ledger out to a museum already.

My almost 2 year old: Can count to ten, only forgetting three every once and awhile. Can do 'this little piggie' all by himself. Frequently acts clingy when I get home from work, causing him to follow me around the house crying, "Mama!" while I snap at him to give me just a second. Loves YO GABBA GABBA! loves listening to me read, at the moment the favorite is "Danny and the Dinosaur" eats well in the morning, but not so great at dinner. Loves 'mama bread' and buhbuhs (blueberries).....also black buhbuhs. Sings the alphabet song poorly but enthusiastically. has mostly abandoned the shower, preferring BAF! with Daddy. asks to sit on the potty and occasionally is succesful, but this is mostly just a ploy to get me to read "DANNY DINOSAUR MAMA" has settled into the two year old class at school, after a rough couple of weeks. Loves to 'trow high' Enjoys his blocks, but really wants us to help him with them. "you hold, mama" s...