Adventures in Rachel-land

Monthly goals for April: 1. Find good childcare for my son. The situation at his daycare has not been ideal, so I gave 30 days notice. I now have 25 days to line something up. This is not negotiable. 2. Do better for my family in the areas of clutter control and meal planning. I bear most of the burden in these areas for my family. And this month, I am committed to doing a kick-ass job. There is no real reason that I can't do better, unless you count bad TV and my facebook addiction. I am going to walk two 5ks, find childcare for my son, and create doable healthy meal plans for my family. It's gonna be a good month. Go April.

Ooh, look! It's still the first week of March and I'm getting around to writing down my goals! Go me! I'm getting better. 1. Run 5 minutes without stopping. Wait....by run I mean jog, of course. I got winded singing the jumping song with toddlers this morning, so this goal needs a dedicated plan to execute. 2. Do better with meal planning! Nothing happens if I don't have a plan. 3. Get Ledger out to a museum already.

My almost 2 year old: Can count to ten, only forgetting three every once and awhile. Can do 'this little piggie' all by himself. Frequently acts clingy when I get home from work, causing him to follow me around the house crying, "Mama!" while I snap at him to give me just a second. Loves YO GABBA GABBA! loves listening to me read, at the moment the favorite is "Danny and the Dinosaur" eats well in the morning, but not so great at dinner. Loves 'mama bread' and buhbuhs (blueberries).....also black buhbuhs. Sings the alphabet song poorly but enthusiastically. has mostly abandoned the shower, preferring BAF! with Daddy. asks to sit on the potty and occasionally is succesful, but this is mostly just a ploy to get me to read "DANNY DINOSAUR MAMA" has settled into the two year old class at school, after a rough couple of weeks. Loves to 'trow high' Enjoys his blocks, but really wants us to help him with them. "you hold, mama" s...

My new years resolution is to make monthly goals. The plan is to end 2010 stronger than I am today, physically, emotionally and financially. I'm making goals each month to lead me that way. Let's see how this goes. Here are the goals for January. 1. Do one cultural thing. (play museum, etc) 2. Do something active every day. 3. Do one social thing with someone who isn't Julie. Julie doesn't count, too easy.

I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming year, and quite a bit about the one we just finished. It's a natural thing to do, if not always helpful. Here's what I want in 2010. I want nothing to happen. No job changes, no moving, no life changes. No family deaths, no horrible accidents. Here's what the last 5 years have looked like. 2005 - bought a house 2006 - got engaged, sold a house, moved 2007 - got married, got pregnant 2008 - had a baby, changed jobs 2009- sold a house, bought a house A year from now, I want to be posting to my blog that nothing happened this year. I want to spend 2010 going to work, loving my family, and taking big deep breaths. No stressful life changes! Bring it on, 2010. We are ready.

I can...... be stronger. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. be more gracious with my husband. We (I) get caught up in how much love he has shown me, carefully doling out the exact same amount of kindness. I can give more and not measure the return quite so carefully. be more patient with my son. make more effort to make connections. Email the friends I've allowed to drift away. Invite the new friend out for a drink. show my love and concern in more tangible ways. Give a gift. Drop a note....take the time. stop and be quiet. Listen to my spirit...still my restless thoughts. I can.

I lay on my back in the grass on Aunt Julie's front lawn, satisfactorily tired. You roamed the yard, stretching your legs after being horribly trapped in your stroller while we exercised. I tried to keep one eye on you while still trying to give some enthusiasm to my crunches. I called you towards me and away from the street that was beckoning. You lurched towards me in that way you do when you are moving faster than your body can catch up. You collapse on my chest, laughing. I lift you straight up in the air and you giggle. I have no doubt that when I am 85, sitting in a retirement pod, these are going to be what I am recounting as the best moments of my life.

You stood beside me in the rain this morning. Your fingers were warm in mine, your feet were splashing in the puddles of our driveway. I showed you how to tilt your head back to catch the rain in your mouth. And as we stood there, in the summer light, the look of joy on your face is something I'd like to remember forever. I won't. Life and busyness and the new discoveries we make together will replace this memory. But for now, I choose to cling to that moment. Cling to the moment where we threw our heads back and took in everything the day had to offer. Together.

Ledger is 17 months old now. That number has absolutely no significance to anything. It has just seemed in the last month or two, that when I look at him, I see a little boy, not a baby anymore. It's mostly the walking that does it, I think. Babies don't walk! Children walk! But it is also the talking and the laughing and the tantrums. Oh my, the laughing. He has started making funny faces and when we laugh, he just does it again and again and again. I was feeding him some yogurt this morning and he snatched it off the spoon with a big "Umph". And when I laughed he kept doing it, over and over, giggling the whole time. He loves his books. Boo! Boo! And he loves his balls and trucks. Yep, he's a little boy.....and it breaks my heart a little. My little boy.

It had to happen at some point, and yesterday it did. Ledger was headed towards the car and took a faceplant in the driveway. When I saw him face down not moving I knew he'd busted his face. I brought him inside, and by the time Barry brought out the hydrogen peroxide he was over it all. He sat there saying "GO, GO, GO" while we got him cleaned up. Today he woke up with a puffy black eye.

Does my new, 'post a blog from Google' function work? Even though it's been 8 months, I've changed jobs, houses, and my kid grew a couple of feet? Hey look, I just updated my blog in one sentence!

It is 3:00 on a Sunday afternoon. I am sitting in the office, and I can hear my boys snoring. Barry in one room and Ledger on the other side of me. Napping away the afternoon. Ledger cried when I put him down for a nap. Big, angry tears. I offered him his stuffed monkey, and he just shoved it away. This is new, he's been a good napper for a while now. But for the last couple of days, whenever we have put him down he's reacted like we suggested he lay down with vipers for a few minutes. Maybe its the runny nose bothering him, or maybe it's a new phase, but either way, we'll eventually come through it. I've been to church, we've all had lunch together and gone to the park. These are the days. The days that will be gone before I know it. The way Ledger laughs and laughs as we swing him at the park. The little dance he does in the bed when we come to get him after a nap. The bounce and reach when the bottle comes out. The smile of pri...

Today is my 28th birthday. Well, technically, yesterday was, but I am posting this on the morning of the 20th. I worked yesterday and then when I got home it was bottles and diapers and bed. Honestly, there is not a great difference between the day before the day before you turn 28 and the day after you turn 28. However, our society looks at beginnings (New Years, birthdays, anniversary's) as a time to examine where you are and where you have been. I am 28 years old. I am married, with one child. I am a librarian. It feels like I am coming out of a difficult phase. First I was pregnant and sick, and then I was pregnant and tired and then we were adjusting to a tiny screamy person and then I think it just took me a little while to adjust after the whole "birth trauma-postpartum-emotional" thing. I don't know, maybe this is just a break in the storm and tomorrow I'll feel bad and depressed again, but it really feels like I am coming out on the far side...

Time is passing by and we are so busy that I am not writing anything down. You are laughing and rolling around and I am not keeping track of it. You have had a tiny bowl of oatmeal before bed for three nights now. I want to remember this. Every new development is amazing and wonderful for your father and I. When you rolled over on your own, we jumped up and down and hugged each other. The thing is that every new thing gives way to the next new thing. You are bigger and smarter and more aware every day. Someday, in the not to distant future, all of this is going to be a fuzzy memory. I'll remember things, but certainly not everything. That makes me a tiny bit sad. But your father and I are soo excited to be able to watch you grow and develop and turn into a tiny little person. We love you.

I've been at work now for three and a half weeks. It's good. I love my job, and it is a pretty busy time right now as we move into summer time. As you will learn, summer is the busiest time of year for me. I come home every day exhausted. But I also come home every day feeling like I've made a difference. I see hundreds of children, and share fun and reading with them. I feel like I have a purpose and am a succesful professional during the summer. At first, it was good to be at the office, with grownups, being in 'my space'. As time goes on and every day, you get a little bigger, (12 pounds at your 2 month checkup, 24 inches), you get a little more interactive, a little more giggly, I get a little sadder about leaving you. I want to sit and hold you in the morning, I don't want to pop you into a car seat and drive you through traffic to Meme's house. She loves you sooo much and has so much fun with you. I couldn't be happier with where you spend your tim...

My mother came to stay for a few days this month. She is so good with you. She is patient, and endlessly competent. Clearly, I knew she was competent, she managed to raise me, after all, but I love watching her with you. She talks to you in this calm way, acting like you understand every word. Becoming a mother has forever changed my relationship with my own mother and my relationship with you will hopefully always be influenced by the amazing mother that I have been gifted with. Aunt Bethany also came to visit you. We have been friends for over 20 years now, I can hardly believe I have known any one for that long. She has been a constant friend and voice of reason for me, but has never really been a 'baby person'. She was so enamored with you, and it means the world to me for her to love you. I hope you will always have her in your life. I look at how lucky I am. Lucky to have beautiful, strong women in my life. My sister, my mother, Bethany, Julie. Women who have loved me, s...

It hasn't even been 4 weeks since we brought you home. And every day seems to be the same cycle of eat, sleep, poop but at the same time, every day you seem to change. You sleep a little bit less, you make a little more eye contact, your legs seem just a little chubbier. When we first brought you home, and you would get angry, you would put your arms up by your face like a boxer and just shake them. And sometimes, while you were sleeping, or particularly enjoying a meal, you would throw both your arms straight up over your head and wave them back and forth. Those newborn reflexes are already starting to disappear. And somehow I am stuck in this wierd place where i know the changes are good, and inevitable, but it still makes me a little bit sad to watch you grow out of them. And if I am this emotional about your newborn arm reflexes, just imagine how I am going to be when you learn to walk, or graduate from college. I want to write everything down. I want to remember the way your ...

You showed up three weeks late. Well, maybe not technically, but considering that I was so sure you were coming on Valentine's Day and decided to sit on the couch and wait for you, those three weeks really felt like you were dragging your feet. Even after I waited three weeks, you still didn't show any interest in exiting unless we gave you a little nudge. We checked into the hospital at 7:00 on Thursday, February 28th, 2008. That is 7:00 AM! On the way to the hospital, we stopped at Jack in the Box so your dad could have a delicous breakfast sandwich and I could hungrily watch him eat it. After we found our way to Labor and Delivery, the nurse asked 50 million questions and gave me an IV. It didn't really fill me with confidence when she didn't know how to use the 'num lock' on her computer, but she did seem to know what she was doing when it came to my health care. The doctor came in and broke my water, and encouraged me to walk up and down the hall to encoura...

You have to say that title in a big dramatic voice. "THE SUMMER OF THE MOVIE". We are average middle class people, and as such it is our duty to watch whatever drivel Hollywood chooses to throw at us throughout the long hot summer. Actually, it is going to be a very long, busy, insane summer, and the way we are going to cope is through the joy of the cinema. So, here is the rundown of all the movies we are going to see: No Reservations, Georgia Rule, Shrek 3, Fantastic 4, Harry Potter 5, Pirates of the Carribean, Knocked Up, Hairspray, The Ex, Die Hard 4, Rush Hour, LUcky You, Mr. Brooks, Oceans 13, Transformers, Bourne, License to Wed. I count that as 17 movies. I think it is doable. We watched Georgia Rule (3 stars), pirates (4 stars), and just this weekend, Knocked Up, which I also enjoyed. So, three down, 14 to go. I have a very low standard for an enjoyable movie, so I'm thinking it won't be hard to have more good ones than bad on the list by th...

Eh. So, I'm a third of the way through the year, and really, the goals are getting...well...low on the priority list. I'm busy living my life, loving my new husband, and watching way tooo much TV.