Adventures in Rachel-land

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Happy Birthday

Today is my 28th birthday. Well, technically, yesterday was, but I am posting this on the morning of the 20th. I worked yesterday and then when I got home it was bottles and diapers and bed. Honestly, there is not a great difference between the day before the day before you turn 28 and the day after you turn 28. However, our society looks at beginnings (New Years, birthdays, anniversary's) as a time to examine where you are and where you have been. I am 28 years old. I am married, with one child. I am a librarian.

It feels like I am coming out of a difficult phase. First I was pregnant and sick, and then I was pregnant and tired and then we were adjusting to a tiny screamy person and then I think it just took me a little while to adjust after the whole "birth trauma-postpartum-emotional" thing. I don't know, maybe this is just a break in the storm and tomorrow I'll feel bad and depressed again, but it really feels like I am coming out on the far side. And I'm ready to recconect with friends I've ignored for a year and start exercising again, and maybe start volunteering again, and maybe even start going to church again. I don't think it was bad or selfish to lay on my couch and bring a baby into the world and focus on me, barry, and ledger for awhile. It just feels like right now, with my birthday, and Ledger's six month birthday, and summer cooling off into fall, that it is a bright new start for myself and my family. And I'm afraid that I'll wake up in a couple of days and be exhausted and a mess again. But maybe, just maybe I have come through a hard adjustment and now here I stand, on the other side of it, stronger and healthier and so much blessed with my beautiful baby.

The air is cooling off and I am so ready for pumpkins and turkeys and fall. And in my head that means pushing Ledger in his stroller down the sidewalk and hearing leaves crunching under my feet. But...um...my neighborhood doesn't have enough trees to have leaves on the sidewalk, so clearly that isn't gonna happen. I'll have to settle for crisp air and Halloween.